The details.

I was originally going to be an abortion because the man that gave his sperm was nuts and didn't want me. Then the lady who gave birth to me wasn't going to have an abortion. They met my parents through some mutual friends and then I guess it went from there. I was born the lady who gave birth to me never saw me or held me it was my mom. Then the papers were signed as if my mom gave birth to me and my dad was the dad. From what I gathered the man who help create me was a really mean evil person. He would go and search for them and that is why we moved because my mom didn't want him in my life for that reason and she never wanted me to find out that I wasn't biologically hers. Which I think looking back now I wouldn't have taken it so well and I could have caused everyone problems being the naturally curious person I am. We moved out pretty much in the middle of nowhere and it was probably because they didn't want to be found. And a lot of people ask me are you going to find your birth family and that answer is yes. I am in the search for them because I would like to know more about me. And if a relationship forms then that's wonderful if not that's okay too. I went 25 years without knowing them. I do not have a relationship with my moms family well minus a few partially because she doesn't want me too my moms mother that is. And the fact that they pretty much disowned me after my mom died of cancer in 2012. And I was told that when I was adopted how I was not family and I never was. It was hurtful but I knew after somethings were said by Len (moms mother) that I did not want to be in her family and be around her anyway. Especially to take the anger and animosity out on children. At the time my mom died my oldest was 10 days from being one and then last Thanksgiving 2013 she was hateful to my other son who was 3 months and there was absolutely nothing that either of them babies could've done to deserve treatment like that. Alot of its jealousy stemmed from the fact that I was on my moms DNR when she died only because her mom wouldn't have respected her wishes. And in that case I guess I wasn't family in her eyes so why was I chosen. I know that a lot are thinking that blood doesn't always make family but I guess in this case that was truth. Even though her brothers wife was married in so she wasn't really family anyway. I wouldn't want to be exposed or my children exposed or to be around people like that anyway. So I don't look at it as much as a loss but more of a gain. I am glad that I found out it answers questions but in a sense I wish I never found out so I don't have that lingering thought that I was adopted and that my moms stories of me being born wasn't real.

 I was told by my dad that I was hers that moment I was born. My mom wanted for so long to have children was never able too. I was told many lies growing up but the one thing she said that was true I was wanted from the moment she found out. Which I was not an unwanted child I was just not meant for my birth mother. A lot of people criticize and say my mom was wrong about not telling me truth is I personally think she just wanted it so much for it to be true. I was never meant to find out and it was a secret for 25 years. How could it be kept that long is my question but as we all know you can't really keep lies they always come out eventually. I know that the more I think about it the more I really sit and ponder it I realize that I was loved and that was all that matters. Doesn't matter where one comes from if its from your moms womb or her heart. And moms and dads are the ones that raise you and love you. I was so blessed to have such a wonderful mom we had our problems like most mother and daughters have.  Down below is a picture of me and my momma. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her. She was everything a mother is meant to be. My biggest fan, my biggest supporter, my rock. Pretty much my best friend.